That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
