Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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