Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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