I will die if light touches me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize