Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
