margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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