so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didn't notice because vodka
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
