know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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