omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
