so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
