Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
