New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
