Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
