ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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