WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
