porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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