from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
