I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
