well you can't waste a boner
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
