I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
