I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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