i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
