Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Barsexuality is the new black.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
