Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
