she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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