he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
