something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
