She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
