So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
