Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
