the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we made out on top of his cat.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
