she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
