i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize