Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
