i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
sex in a hospital.. check
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
