worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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