At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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