Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
