I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
