i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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