Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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