Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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