the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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