I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Randomize
