capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
