guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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