youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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