Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
