Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
