I wish I could teleport
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
