she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize