I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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