i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
