party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
