and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
