the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
