is your mom at the bar?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
