I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
