im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
