you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
