Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
