I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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