my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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