I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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