well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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