it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
