so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
