The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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