It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
