i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
