He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
