what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
