im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
40s are totally the cure
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
