Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
