New invention idea: vibrating tampons
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
