OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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