he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
