If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Everything about him screamed your future.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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