there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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