Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
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Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.