im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.