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My liver just broke up with me...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
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