nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing