I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
